A Beautiful Goodbye
Tears began racing down my face as I continued scrolling through the articles. 'No, it can't be true. He just can't leave the group' I tried convincing myself, still stubborn to accept the recent updates. Though I know it’s too late, I was still hoping that I’m just dreaming. That the issue that my first ever bias is leaving his group is just a mere nightmare.
A succession of pops, notifying me of new messages, caught my attention and I quickly shifted the window to open my facebook. Three messages, all from my friends.
’Yeri :’( It’s happening again’
‘Yeri, I can understand if you would stop updating your fan fic about him. I won’t be mad, promise. I’m really sorry to hear the issue.’
’Omg Yeri </3 :( I hope he’s happy now.’
I really wasn’t in the mood to reply yet I don’t want to be rude. After all, they were just showing their support for me.
How pathetic right? I was grieving like someone so dear to me passed away. But that’s what I really feel right now. Call me crazy but if your first ever bias, the one who’s the sole reason you became addicted to the world of kpop, leaves his group, it seems like there’s no more reason to be happy.
He was like my first love.
And my first heartbreak.
But I should be happy for him right? If his happiness would cause my misery, then I can take it as long as he can be happy.
Funny how I’ve never met him yet he was able to break down my walls and held my heart as his possesion. Funny how one could fall for a person who doesn’t even know of their existence
I dried my tears and quickly opened several tabs. I began typing my messages to him. My farewell to him to be exact. Shameless as it may seem but I sent it to him in every of his social accounts, hoping that he could atleast read one of them. It had been my habit to send him messages in his weibo account every time I saw him go online, usually during midnight. Heck, he was the reason why I created a weibo account on the first place even if I had a hard time understanding Chinese. I have no idea if he ever happens to read them but I’m happy to think that I can send him my thoughts, from the shortest ones like ‘You really performed well today. Sleep already, okay?’ to the longest ones where I pour all my emotions.
‘At first I hated you. I hated the way you all look, thinking that Korean fashion looks so gay. I hated your new approaches to music. I hated that my friends had been addicted to your group and that I have to put up with all their rantings and fan- girling moments. I hated that you are too perfect. You are even way prettier than me. But slowly, I began finding myself searching your familiar face everytime my friends would watch your group performances. My face lights up when I see you smile. My heartbeat began racing when I watch the newest episode of EXO Showtime where my I can see you angelic face. And my breathing calms down every time I hear your soothing voice. Everyday, I began falling harder. At first I was just searching for your pictures then I began to search for you personal infos, as if I’m getting to know you better. Then my addiction to you just got worse. I got overdosed. There really something in you that made you stand out in my eyes. You captured my heart and I’m very thankful that you did. Thankyou for everything. Thankyou for the memories. It felt that I really was with you throughout your whole journey even though I might not be there physically. Leaving the group doesn’t mean that I can’t see you anymore, right? Take care always. Though it might be painful for us, I’m happy knowing that you are firm in your decision. You’re a great man, any girl would be blessed to have you in her life. Please don’t stop reaching for you dream okay? Do it not only for us but for yourself too. I hope you’ll smile more often now. Stay happy please. I do not want to hear that my beloved deer’s face is contorted into a frown. I hope someday I can meet you and maybe by that time I can already talk to you in straight Chinese. Haha. Thanks for allowing me to love you. You made my life more colorful. Though loving you is like a rollercoaster ride, there are ups and downs, happiness and pain, I’ll never regret it because what’s important is the ride, not the end. I’m Tinkerbell and you are Peter Pan. i’ll continue watching you from afar and I hope you’ll find you own Wendy someday and maybe I’ll find my own Peter Pan too. God bless! I love you. Goodbye.’
No more tears were shed for I know that he doesn’t want his fans to cry. I released a sigh and a sad smile. Slowly my fingers pressed enter and I closed my laptop. For the next few minutes, I just stared into nothingness, my mind empty of thoughts. I slowly stood up and went closer to my walls. They were filled with his posters, his memories. Ignoring the tightening in my chest, I began removing them all along with the other stuff I bought because of him. I placed all of them in a big box and then placed it under my bed. I hid everything related to him along with the pain I’m feeling. The memories are all that matters now because they never fade. And I’ll keep them in the deepest part of my heart.
As I was about to resign myself to bed, a new tone sounded from my laptop. Thinking that it might have been one of my Chinese friends who I came to know through weibo, I got up, excited to hear about her latest escapades.
I swear my heart stopped beating the moment I saw the message on screen.
'For the past months, your messages are one of the things I look forward to everytime I go home and connect to the wifi. You manage to make me smile and brighten my day with your simple acts of thoughtfulness. Thankyou too for being one of my motivations to work harder. I promise to be better and continue on improving. Please don't hurt anymore, oppa is here. Take care too and until we meet each other, I hope you won't forget me. Thankyou for supporting me always. Thankyou for the beautiful goodbye.'
That’s when the last drop of tear escaped my eyes.
It’s been a long time since my last update. I honestly have no plans to update but because of the issue, I just need to let out my feels. He’s my first bias and it really is hard for me but I know everything will be well for him. Sorry if I left the ending hanging because I’m really depressed today. I’m not in the mood to give a happy ending. Though I think I might give a sequel to this in the future. Haha. Stay strong exo-l. Fighting!
Sorry not sorry. HAHAHAHA
INFO [140918 6:13 AM (PH TIME)]
I opened my IG account and voila, Miranda Kerr started following Sehun! Lucky fanboy :D
Lulu please get well soon :(
Exo reaction to you not answering their texts
Exo reaction to taking your bra off for the first time
The english translation of the song Time Boils the Rain/ Time Hushes All Memories by Wu Yi Fan. The lyrics are so <///3
Cause of my death. Between Lulu and Sehun, seriously I can’t choose T_T Can’t they just both thrust in front of me? XD